Ring a Ring O' Roses ..

Ring, a ring o' roses,
A pocket full o’posies-

A-tishoo, A-tishoo

We all Fall Down …!

About that very famous nursery rhyme:

Legend has it that this rhyme was actually a coded reference to Bubonic Plague or Great Plague of London (a widespread, deadly disease once upon a time) –in which the patient first developed round reddish rashes in the shape of rings (“ring of red roses” ) – pockets would be filled will sweet smelling herbs (“posies”), since it was believed to be caused due to bad smells. The line “a tishoo-a tishoo” refers to Sneezing- a symptom of the disease, .. and Lastly, since the patient fell prey to death, the reference to “Falling down” [if you’ve had a normal childhood, and played these games, then u might recall how a ring was formed while kids chanted this rhyme, and ultimately all of ‘em fell down onto the ground!]

Even though, thankfully Bubonic plague still figures on my “haven’t-had-it-yet” list of diseases, along with Hepatitis, Appendicitis (which errm my birth horoscope claims unequivocally that I WILL be operated for, one day) along with others..

But it’s the “Ring a Ring O’ Roses” bit, that kept playing in my mind for the past ten days … day in and day out .. every second-of-every-minute-of-every-hour-of –my-existence …as *gulps painfully*

What with red, round, blisters that had sprung up on every inch of skin that I have diligently grown in the past 21 meaningless years of my life ..

YEAH! I am infected with *hold your breath* CHICKEN POX!

YOU KNOW! CHICKEN. POX.

Even as I have survived 10 painful days of this horrible … I repeat H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E disease (“Horrible” underlined, bolded, encircled with a dark red marker pen)

.. I can’t believe I actually DID develop Chicken Pox. It was always one of those things for me, which are just not meant for me, but only for ‘others’. Somehow, a fool that I am, I have always considered myself ABOVE many ordinary things that are supposed to be “mandatorily normal” for most mortals

(I mean I still DO!! :( )

Dream Company? *blank look*

Checking into OLT? *blank look*

Solving Questions 91-156, in Physics’ Ratan Guide … *Blankest look ever*

Chicken Pox? *rolls eyes*

CRASH … CRASSSSSSSSSSSHHHH .. and I was brought down..humbly.. down to the Rock Bottom.

And painfully so :(

For those who haven’t experienced it … I’ll be at my grossest best, and tell you what it’s like ! (hate me all you want *sticks out tongue impudently*)

So, you get these red boils/ blisters all over your body (tho the most affected spots are the face, the scalp and the trunk region)- and these are no ordinary boils, mind you! They seem to be filled with concentrated Nitric Acid or sum-such-fluid. Boy, oh boy! Do they hurt!

It’s like someone’s poking a thousand needles in your head and all other affected places. I personally grieved my needled Scalp the most- it drove me up the wall!!

And you can’t TOUCH them, god forbid! They are Sacred you see! … SACRED coz they threaten to leave behind ugly scars, stamping you for the rest of your life, at the slightest provocation/ manhandling.

I remember when I had come home from the Doc’s, on the first day of my discovery of these boils, diagnosed with “suspected chicken pox”. Scars was the first thing SMS had warned me against, when I had been arrogant enough to declare, “Comeon! That’s the LEAST of my worries” … well, in my defence, I had the prospect of 20 something wasted days of college, hounding me on the priority list!

Well, ten days have passed and my boils have reached the less-annoying stage of crusting. Which basically means: still ugly red spots, yet, those which hurt less and are just irritatingly itchy- not PAINFULLY so. And therein, dear Blogreader, lies all the difference in the World!!

I could have recited so many tales and experiences..in the goriest detail, in those days, but now that it’s passé, I somehow can’t bring myself to do it. *yawn*

Here is what I intend to do:

I’ll give you a checklist. A list of

“Do’s and Don’t’s while dealing with Chicken Pox Patients”

Oh, believe you me.. it’s important! I wish someone had fed this list to all my friends and acquaintances earlier.. I would have an easier time *sniff sniff* ;)

So, here goes :(BTW I’m not sure to what extent you could generalize it, if you please, call it “Do’s and Don’t’s while dealing with Chicken Pox-ed Shrutis”)

ü When you ask them, “How are you feeling now” … DONOT bother about the reply. DONOT consider to analyze the situation and phrase the sympathetic note in your reply. It should come promptly, AUTOMATICALLY. PRONTO!

Put in a lot of “awwwwss”… “realllly…soooo sad” “ Oooooooohhhs” “ awww .. you poor soul” … BLINDLY.

The CP-ed being will lap it up! …

No better antidote for a painfully incurable disease, than loads of sympathy! TONS of it. :P And yeah! I made my notes, … so all those of you who did your “awwws”and “ ooohs” correctly, get full points. And LOTS of blessings! :D

And those who acted Cheeky.. pphhhh … I gave all my guest Viruses your detailed addresses. With Special Recommendation.

*evil grin*

You know what to expect next! :P

[I’m telling you, people are heartless! Once, I spent ages unraveling the mystery of “how shruti got cp..” over SMS exchange :O … Will u believe that the conclusion of the baseless story was something like .. “the pox ate chicken, and you ate Him?! :( ”]

ü Okay. Write it down if you must! But PLEASE REMEMBER .. a bad joke with a CP-ed being is not just ‘no-hahas’.. it can be FATAL.

So, The next time someone tells you they’re down with chicken pox, you DON’T turn around with that Oh-I’m-being-so-smart-n-funny,

“But, When did you eat Chicken *wink wink*?” *aaaargggh*

Coz your CP will smile. Maybe Genuinely, once. Second time, Polite smile.

Third time, they’ll shrug in their sad acknowledgement of your handicapped joke.

But, the Fourth time?

Trust me, the FourthTime, they will just come over and SHOW you how they got it. A Practical Demonstration. On YOU. I would have done that, I swear, to every single one of these Smart Alecs, if I hadn’t been so drained of energy and resources :(

BTW: Meghna aka Jayemsee AKA cut-wrists, was the first one to crack this joke with me. So, I had actually not freaked out, but simply sighed (“Someone tell her that THAT one is called Chicken FLU… and somebody break her heart- tell her that im not down with a deadly, potentially fatal disease, but a perferctly normal, self-curing one !” :D :D)

ü Donot squirm your face in disgust even when the CP’s face resembles the pan in which you would make scrambled eggs! My own folks were Angelic when it came to this. They kept offering me real, affectionate hugs (when I was reduced to sooooooo un-huggably repulsive a creature, that even I would have recommended risking a tea-party with a crocodile, over bothering to move an inch towards me :()

I actually shut my eyes when I would have to visit the wash-basin for any purpose [the mirror-mirror-on-the-wall offered a sight that sent chilly shivers down my spine!]

ü If the CP asks you to STAY away to prevent infection, DO IT!!

Nothing like the guilt of having passed on the dreadful disease to your near and dear ones.

My Nanima- an old – very old and ill-in-health Lady, gave me hell when it came to this.

I literally had to DRIVE her out of my room, cry to get her off me- “checking my pulse” :O , or STOP her from rearranging all my totally infected stuff every morning!! I will never -in my wildest dreams- understand why she brushed aside my very logical and scientific explanation for my Seclusion from her, with such confidence and impudence. HOW?!

These grannies are a WEIRD lot!

DITTO for all my other folks, who were steadfastly by my side, DESPITE all my attempts at seclusion, rubbing in my “untouchable” status for the unvaccinated/ un- Chicken Poxe-ed souls.

Really, GOD FORBID, if one of them fell sick coz of me, I’ll drown myself in a bucketful of Chicken Pox Viruses!

Okay, I’m tired now. And sleepy. Relaxed- now that I've poured out all my Acid :P

Will go get some sleep :) Peace !!

Strange Minds, Stranger notions of Blissful moments *broadest grin*

My idea of Life at its best.. :)

Walking into a shop, with a verrry vague idea about what's wrong with ur life…

‘I keep losing my change; where do I keep these "visiting cards" ’..

...

Standing and staring at all the stuff in the shop, wide-eyed ... clue-less about what to do n how to do it ...

Until, someone picks a Wallet for you ...

someone else tells the shopkeeper that you would like to take that, but only at such-n-such price ...

... meanwhile, someone asks you to stop eyeing that absurd piece, which is def. not worth the price … your meek protests get brushed aside as background noise :-D …..

…someone somehow fixes u a bargain, and Lo! ... you walk out with a beautiful wallet, in which (u happily tell all these someones) "gee! .. i can now preserve all my change and all my 'visiting cards' ..."

….then, u demand to do certain things that you WANT to, against others’ strong protests that they are tired of the public embarrassment you earn them every time .. (often, with a rather defeated old-warning of ‘snapping all ties’ this time :P ) ..

…. You move on, shrugging them away, and going ahead with what you wanted to do …. Until they join you, quitting the pretense of “civilized conduct in public”;[ face it! – it WAS fun after all :-D .. the pix on that swing are invaluable!]

insisting on taking pictures of precious moments, with a famously terrible track record in photography …. Gleefully handing over their cameras – with nothing but memory blurs, unclicked photos, and the like [blaming it on the ultra-hi-tech-ta of the cams]….

Ignoring the watch, as seconds tick by … threatening to sound the knell-of-farewell any second now …

Hastily compressing all your stock-of-stories, and shooting a volley of anecdotes, that you oh-so-MUST-share (it’s a race against time!!) …

… somewhere, sighing inside (you know it’s beyond the farewell time..) .. and suddenly reciting one of your favourite Classic nursery rhymes …

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls, and made them cry…

When the boys came out to play,

Georgie Porgie ran awayyy …

..before a ready audience .. that partly sings along, partly gives you that “uh-oh” look of fond-disapproval cum amusement .. and jointly reminisces over the story behind the bit of verse …

………..

*Bye Bye* …

*Awkward Hugs* …

*unvoiced grudges of SOME disappointed souls who had planned to binge on Golguppas again, together … :( but were rather insensitively let down*

*smiles that go home with you*

*at home, you proudly flaunt your meaningful shopping for the day, before anyone who would care to see ;) *

Some things are priceless …

Try meeting up with your old gangs …:D and rediscover yourself :)

Let me rephrase a famous saying …

“To meet and part, is the way of life,

And to part and meet, is the ray of life :) “

Thank you people! – it was a funday :D …

And all those silly geese who missed it [:( :(] … we missed you guyz!!

Damn!! %$%#^#

I have become INCAPABLE of posting on the blog!!
Despite the fact that I have had thousands of stories to share ...
Despite the fact that I started writing tens of posts, but never got around to completing any of those.. I JUST donot write anymore..and it is sooooo very frustrating! coz I DID have so many things to share ... wayy tooo many!!! ....

as I do now! .. but I wont write about it... nopes! ... *winces* ..what is WRONG with me ....


I mean S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y ... WHAT IS WRONG!!! ... why can't I just sit and type all that I wish to?

What kind of transformation am I going through? and What on earth for? ....

PS. I have also lost my appetite by the way :( ... can't stand food now ... I mean ... I just dont EAT anymore .. unless it's maggi! .. and just coz it's the easiest to finish n be done with.
Hence, I think I have been eating just maggi for the past so many days - brkfast, lunch AND Dinner!


Psst... I'm telling u, something is really amiss .... I am going all OKAY ... clinically ... and I just don't get kicks out of whatever I am doing these days ... I just do one task, and move on to the other... I feel like meeting up with old friends .... and then realise how difficult it is, to fix up such a meeting-thanks to the godforsaken schedules-, n again.. CLINICALLY ... move on ....


Great then! I can't write, I can't read HP (the series having finished :( ) ... I can't be loud and shabby n BLAH in general ..... without drawing suspicion, raised fingers, heads shaking in disapproval ...
I can't just NOT display many feminine attributes in general conduct, without raising people's heckles ...

This is too darn weird... I mean... I can't even FEEL u know! ... I am not driven by emotions as I write all this; just stating facts! I can't even feel the pain of something-ain't-right. It's just a cold acknowledgment of the same fact. *stoic look*


Gosh! .. this way, I'll develop a revulsion for people who think that their lives are exactly as they had planned/imagined those to be, just coz my own is not! *mummy, help!*

Nothing that I am doing today conforms to the idea that I had about my life..ever since I can recollect::
- I had never in my weirdest dreams thought I'd be working in an "office" (i mean I never thot against it or anything, but I nevvvvvver even considered an office job- I always thought these things were for others (weird/absurd I know!!) )
- studying business [even until five years ago, had u suggested to me that "business line" was a career option- I would have asked you to go see a shrink!]
- Being put on trial for my concepts/ ideas that I always took as given. Being quizzed about explanations which none intends to/ cares to understand
- Talking about things that I have no interest/ inclination/ capability for ...
I mean ....reallllllly... I AM abnormal ... I mean... for the first time in my life, I have begun issuing responses that I don't feel an "ownership" for ... it's almost fake ...

***
something got into me ... and I finally dug out my old, infamous Dell notebook (christened by the high n mighty swati n co, as "thirty two mb" ... errmm.. well, that's coz that was its RAM u know ... 32 MB! .. and 6 GB hard disk btw!!... people wud come frm far n wide just to see whether this legend does have a basis in reality ... I had dumped it ever since I got my laptop ... never really used it much ... but have developed fond attachment to it .. I rem. during our IIM days .. I had typed my first blogpost for the campaign on it ! ohkayy ... IIM days = Ignited Indian Minds ..days of course) ....

seee!! that's my 32 MB ... 8 minutes have passed since i switched it on ..and the desktop has still not appeared! ... anyway.. the purpose behind digging out this relic was ... I had typed some of my verses roughly an year ago, in this box.
Those were the days *reminisces* .. well, strange days ....
the days of rebellion, secret undefined crusades against powers-that-be-wherever-in-the-universe ...
[hey, the screen's not appearin' n m concerned !! what if i lose all my precious data :( ... switched it on again... *fingers crossed* ]

yeah.. so those wre strange days ... and stranger near-confidantes I had.. back then! ...
lolz... they supported a no-cause of someone they barely knew ... *sigh of amusement*
and there was this one verse in particular .... (tho i had written many in those days... all revolving around a common central theme) that most aptly conveyed my train of thoughts/ emotions etc etc ...

The issue touched upon in that verse .... still remains.
I will probably never know the answer to the question ...
I will never know as to whether I had a cause to begin with, and whether it was ever justified ...
I guess there are always some "What IFs... " in life ... that can prevent you from ascertaining that definitive Right-ness or Wrong-ness of a course of action


[laptop ..still hasn't displayed the desktop ... i will cry now.. i think i lost a lot of my works today *blank stony eyes*]


Anyway, maybe al try to recompose the verse.. from memory ...

I tossed a little Coin...

I tossed a little coin.
I know I called it 'Tails';
But, saw 'em frown, and cut my call-
what if my call fails ...

I tossed a little coin.
This time I called it Heads;
But then caught it in mid-air,
my calls my heart now dreads ...

I tossed a little coin.
My heart had made a call,
but let 'em turn a deaf ear,
and let it freely fall...

I tossed a little coin.
it's My Coin that I tossed;
You think I won, it's the 'right' side up!
It's My Call that I lost!

[hurray- desktop showed ..finally!]

When I'd tossed that little coin,
You'd wanted me to win;
Since Your Call was much more 'safe',
you tossed mine in the bin.

I shall not toss that little coin!
The toss brings me no joy...
I had tossed it with some aim in heart,
not coz 'twas a fun toy!

Or maybe I'll toss that coin again,
and take my Call this time.
To lose the toss, at my own call,
would be a lesser crime.

*************

Gawd ... pls don't sit and wonder about the "I", "They" "Coin" etc in the lines above.... coz even I am not sure about it ...
aaargggh ... maybe I will never know... never.. whether MBA was a mistake .. or whether I could have done things "the other way" ...

So byy the way .. for all those innocent souls who have been hounding me of late :P *and some of you are reading this ;) * ...
"How do u stay happy all the time?" " How come we've never seen you in low spirits?" or the funniest...
"Do you ever feel low, Shruti? " .... I dunno guyz .... but what kind of a mind breeds verses like that? ... not a sea-calm one, I can assure you :) ...

hehe .. now im suddenly reminded of this one day in JMC when I was racing through the corridor (well, I was alwaaayyss racing through the corridoor in JMC :( ..somehow .. ) ...
Although, it is in a very different context. A batchmate (well, this one always remained just a batchmate for the three years that we spent together .... maannn, I wish Mannat was reading this-she would KNOW :P!!) .. well, this batchmate almost stopped me, slightly annoyed and exasperated .. (almost accusatory!)

"Shrutii, you don't have to be so happy all the time"

'Sorry?', I thought.

I was taken aback. And there she stood, smiling a cold smile, one that fails in its purpose to delude the recipient into thinking that, the actor is confident and assured of the validity/ substance/purpose of what she has just uttered.

I raised my brow - amused .. though not too happy ..!

I watched her smile for some time, weighing the merit of continuing the conversation, and eventually deciding against it. I decided (in that fleeting moment) that I did not have the time or the energy. And she did not have the resources to put mine to optimal use :)

I smiled back. Or, I think I did. But that was coz I was short on time. Otherwise, till date, I haven't learned to fully appreciate people using the happiness of others as the yardstick to measure their own. Hence, kids end up showing more interest in the test scores of their peers, than their own; few days before the exam kids are bothered more about how much course "that one" has covered .. than where their own exam preparation has reached ... and as they correctly depicted in one of those commercial ads: parents approve or disregard their child's performance solely based on the performance of someone else's child.

Now, now, this incident has nothing to do with anything else I had talked about ... dunno why I suddenly came to my mind, quite vividly and I went on to describe it, however unrelated...

hmm.... I think it could be coz I'm missing Mannat too :( .... she was the kind of person who would have summed up the above incident in one good line (despite our excessive loathing for each other, we did end up sharing quite a few ideas... :P ) ....

*** I slept last night, typing this ....

postin it now ...

and wow! I did end up posting something then, even though nothing that I really wanted to ...

College again tomorrow ... *neutral indifference*

I discovered something very ugly and scary about human behavior yet again yesterday, in
passing conversation.

In fact, I learnt something about it during my internship too (although it was interspersed between other too-much-fun things, to take a backseat) ...
Some very obvious, rational principles of justice, and working logic DONOT hold- in many places, and for many people. A new kind of code of conduct (new -- coz I didn't know of it before ) has gained acceptance and legitimation amongst people. I think I'll draw from an old blogpost::

I stab your back, you stab my back is the new tacit moral understanding/ agreement between most people.
If you can't play the game this way, you had better not play at all! coz the rules are all defined by that guiding principle.
The rules in the new game are:
>> you win as an individual player, if you manage to stab the back of the other better than that one manges to stab yours (coz u are both aiming towards the same thing)
>> your team wins if you collectively manage to do that vis-a-vis other teams

But you have gotto play by the same underlying principle by all means.
And this, is quite amusing!

NOTE: I must post this here... before the context is lost.

Certain things REQUIRE integrity, have basis in Integrity and will not exist without it.
Rationality, Justice, fairness -- all function on integrity.
Hence, one can't cry foul one day and say their justice has been violated by the system, if they
have themselves condoned the same in the past.
Which brings us back to the all or none principle of certain theories/ concepts (such as Ayn Rand's objectivisim). You can't accept a part of it, and reject the other, tailoring it to suit your own convenience. You either Take the WHOLE of it, or REJECT the WHOLE of it. There is no way in between.

In fact, integrity is a beautiful concept u know ... I discovered it myself, one day, when I found it seriously lacking in some persons I had grown to like ..
I realized the importance of Integrity in someone's being. How the riches of the world, the brains of Einstein, the beauty of the Greeks won't sustain one's character -- if the simple quality of integrity is missing.

and consequently, I discovered this about my own self:

Very little tolerance, for very little integrity.

uh-ohh ..al post this now ... I have no clue what all I have been typing and why at all ...
sorry abt the lack of coherence in this post! ..
But I MUST post this ... and break the cant-blog-anymore curse :( !!

chalo then,

Cheerios :)