Sunday, July 13, 2008

Strange Minds, Stranger notions of Blissful moments *broadest grin*

My idea of Life at its best.. :)

Walking into a shop, with a verrry vague idea about what's wrong with ur life…

‘I keep losing my change; where do I keep these "visiting cards" ’..

...

Standing and staring at all the stuff in the shop, wide-eyed ... clue-less about what to do n how to do it ...

Until, someone picks a Wallet for you ...

someone else tells the shopkeeper that you would like to take that, but only at such-n-such price ...

... meanwhile, someone asks you to stop eyeing that absurd piece, which is def. not worth the price … your meek protests get brushed aside as background noise :-D …..

…someone somehow fixes u a bargain, and Lo! ... you walk out with a beautiful wallet, in which (u happily tell all these someones) "gee! .. i can now preserve all my change and all my 'visiting cards' ..."

….then, u demand to do certain things that you WANT to, against others’ strong protests that they are tired of the public embarrassment you earn them every time .. (often, with a rather defeated old-warning of ‘snapping all ties’ this time :P ) ..

…. You move on, shrugging them away, and going ahead with what you wanted to do …. Until they join you, quitting the pretense of “civilized conduct in public”;[ face it! – it WAS fun after all :-D .. the pix on that swing are invaluable!]

insisting on taking pictures of precious moments, with a famously terrible track record in photography …. Gleefully handing over their cameras – with nothing but memory blurs, unclicked photos, and the like [blaming it on the ultra-hi-tech-ta of the cams]….

Ignoring the watch, as seconds tick by … threatening to sound the knell-of-farewell any second now …

Hastily compressing all your stock-of-stories, and shooting a volley of anecdotes, that you oh-so-MUST-share (it’s a race against time!!) …

… somewhere, sighing inside (you know it’s beyond the farewell time..) .. and suddenly reciting one of your favourite Classic nursery rhymes …

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls, and made them cry…

When the boys came out to play,

Georgie Porgie ran awayyy …

..before a ready audience .. that partly sings along, partly gives you that “uh-oh” look of fond-disapproval cum amusement .. and jointly reminisces over the story behind the bit of verse …

………..

*Bye Bye* …

*Awkward Hugs* …

*unvoiced grudges of SOME disappointed souls who had planned to binge on Golguppas again, together … :( but were rather insensitively let down*

*smiles that go home with you*

*at home, you proudly flaunt your meaningful shopping for the day, before anyone who would care to see ;) *

Some things are priceless …

Try meeting up with your old gangs …:D and rediscover yourself :)

Let me rephrase a famous saying …

“To meet and part, is the way of life,

And to part and meet, is the ray of life :) “

Thank you people! – it was a funday :D …

And all those silly geese who missed it [:( :(] … we missed you guyz!!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Damn!! %$%#^#

I have become INCAPABLE of posting on the blog!!
Despite the fact that I have had thousands of stories to share ...
Despite the fact that I started writing tens of posts, but never got around to completing any of those.. I JUST donot write anymore..and it is sooooo very frustrating! coz I DID have so many things to share ... wayy tooo many!!! ....

as I do now! .. but I wont write about it... nopes! ... *winces* ..what is WRONG with me ....


I mean S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y ... WHAT IS WRONG!!! ... why can't I just sit and type all that I wish to?

What kind of transformation am I going through? and What on earth for? ....

PS. I have also lost my appetite by the way :( ... can't stand food now ... I mean ... I just dont EAT anymore .. unless it's maggi! .. and just coz it's the easiest to finish n be done with.
Hence, I think I have been eating just maggi for the past so many days - brkfast, lunch AND Dinner!


Psst... I'm telling u, something is really amiss .... I am going all OKAY ... clinically ... and I just don't get kicks out of whatever I am doing these days ... I just do one task, and move on to the other... I feel like meeting up with old friends .... and then realise how difficult it is, to fix up such a meeting-thanks to the godforsaken schedules-, n again.. CLINICALLY ... move on ....


Great then! I can't write, I can't read HP (the series having finished :( ) ... I can't be loud and shabby n BLAH in general ..... without drawing suspicion, raised fingers, heads shaking in disapproval ...
I can't just NOT display many feminine attributes in general conduct, without raising people's heckles ...

This is too darn weird... I mean... I can't even FEEL u know! ... I am not driven by emotions as I write all this; just stating facts! I can't even feel the pain of something-ain't-right. It's just a cold acknowledgment of the same fact. *stoic look*


Gosh! .. this way, I'll develop a revulsion for people who think that their lives are exactly as they had planned/imagined those to be, just coz my own is not! *mummy, help!*

Nothing that I am doing today conforms to the idea that I had about my life..ever since I can recollect::
- I had never in my weirdest dreams thought I'd be working in an "office" (i mean I never thot against it or anything, but I nevvvvvver even considered an office job- I always thought these things were for others (weird/absurd I know!!) )
- studying business [even until five years ago, had u suggested to me that "business line" was a career option- I would have asked you to go see a shrink!]
- Being put on trial for my concepts/ ideas that I always took as given. Being quizzed about explanations which none intends to/ cares to understand
- Talking about things that I have no interest/ inclination/ capability for ...
I mean ....reallllllly... I AM abnormal ... I mean... for the first time in my life, I have begun issuing responses that I don't feel an "ownership" for ... it's almost fake ...

***
something got into me ... and I finally dug out my old, infamous Dell notebook (christened by the high n mighty swati n co, as "thirty two mb" ... errmm.. well, that's coz that was its RAM u know ... 32 MB! .. and 6 GB hard disk btw!!... people wud come frm far n wide just to see whether this legend does have a basis in reality ... I had dumped it ever since I got my laptop ... never really used it much ... but have developed fond attachment to it .. I rem. during our IIM days .. I had typed my first blogpost for the campaign on it ! ohkayy ... IIM days = Ignited Indian Minds ..days of course) ....

seee!! that's my 32 MB ... 8 minutes have passed since i switched it on ..and the desktop has still not appeared! ... anyway.. the purpose behind digging out this relic was ... I had typed some of my verses roughly an year ago, in this box.
Those were the days *reminisces* .. well, strange days ....
the days of rebellion, secret undefined crusades against powers-that-be-wherever-in-the-universe ...
[hey, the screen's not appearin' n m concerned !! what if i lose all my precious data :( ... switched it on again... *fingers crossed* ]

yeah.. so those wre strange days ... and stranger near-confidantes I had.. back then! ...
lolz... they supported a no-cause of someone they barely knew ... *sigh of amusement*
and there was this one verse in particular .... (tho i had written many in those days... all revolving around a common central theme) that most aptly conveyed my train of thoughts/ emotions etc etc ...

The issue touched upon in that verse .... still remains.
I will probably never know the answer to the question ...
I will never know as to whether I had a cause to begin with, and whether it was ever justified ...
I guess there are always some "What IFs... " in life ... that can prevent you from ascertaining that definitive Right-ness or Wrong-ness of a course of action


[laptop ..still hasn't displayed the desktop ... i will cry now.. i think i lost a lot of my works today *blank stony eyes*]


Anyway, maybe al try to recompose the verse.. from memory ...

I tossed a little Coin...

I tossed a little coin.
I know I called it 'Tails';
But, saw 'em frown, and cut my call-
what if my call fails ...

I tossed a little coin.
This time I called it Heads;
But then caught it in mid-air,
my calls my heart now dreads ...

I tossed a little coin.
My heart had made a call,
but let 'em turn a deaf ear,
and let it freely fall...

I tossed a little coin.
it's My Coin that I tossed;
You think I won, it's the 'right' side up!
It's My Call that I lost!

[hurray- desktop showed ..finally!]

When I'd tossed that little coin,
You'd wanted me to win;
Since Your Call was much more 'safe',
you tossed mine in the bin.

I shall not toss that little coin!
The toss brings me no joy...
I had tossed it with some aim in heart,
not coz 'twas a fun toy!

Or maybe I'll toss that coin again,
and take my Call this time.
To lose the toss, at my own call,
would be a lesser crime.

*************

Gawd ... pls don't sit and wonder about the "I", "They" "Coin" etc in the lines above.... coz even I am not sure about it ...
aaargggh ... maybe I will never know... never.. whether MBA was a mistake .. or whether I could have done things "the other way" ...

So byy the way .. for all those innocent souls who have been hounding me of late :P *and some of you are reading this ;) * ...
"How do u stay happy all the time?" " How come we've never seen you in low spirits?" or the funniest...
"Do you ever feel low, Shruti? " .... I dunno guyz .... but what kind of a mind breeds verses like that? ... not a sea-calm one, I can assure you :) ...

hehe .. now im suddenly reminded of this one day in JMC when I was racing through the corridor (well, I was alwaaayyss racing through the corridoor in JMC :( ..somehow .. ) ...
Although, it is in a very different context. A batchmate (well, this one always remained just a batchmate for the three years that we spent together .... maannn, I wish Mannat was reading this-she would KNOW :P!!) .. well, this batchmate almost stopped me, slightly annoyed and exasperated .. (almost accusatory!)

"Shrutii, you don't have to be so happy all the time"

'Sorry?', I thought.

I was taken aback. And there she stood, smiling a cold smile, one that fails in its purpose to delude the recipient into thinking that, the actor is confident and assured of the validity/ substance/purpose of what she has just uttered.

I raised my brow - amused .. though not too happy ..!

I watched her smile for some time, weighing the merit of continuing the conversation, and eventually deciding against it. I decided (in that fleeting moment) that I did not have the time or the energy. And she did not have the resources to put mine to optimal use :)

I smiled back. Or, I think I did. But that was coz I was short on time. Otherwise, till date, I haven't learned to fully appreciate people using the happiness of others as the yardstick to measure their own. Hence, kids end up showing more interest in the test scores of their peers, than their own; few days before the exam kids are bothered more about how much course "that one" has covered .. than where their own exam preparation has reached ... and as they correctly depicted in one of those commercial ads: parents approve or disregard their child's performance solely based on the performance of someone else's child.

Now, now, this incident has nothing to do with anything else I had talked about ... dunno why I suddenly came to my mind, quite vividly and I went on to describe it, however unrelated...

hmm.... I think it could be coz I'm missing Mannat too :( .... she was the kind of person who would have summed up the above incident in one good line (despite our excessive loathing for each other, we did end up sharing quite a few ideas... :P ) ....

*** I slept last night, typing this ....

postin it now ...

and wow! I did end up posting something then, even though nothing that I really wanted to ...

College again tomorrow ... *neutral indifference*

I discovered something very ugly and scary about human behavior yet again yesterday, in
passing conversation.

In fact, I learnt something about it during my internship too (although it was interspersed between other too-much-fun things, to take a backseat) ...
Some very obvious, rational principles of justice, and working logic DONOT hold- in many places, and for many people. A new kind of code of conduct (new -- coz I didn't know of it before ) has gained acceptance and legitimation amongst people. I think I'll draw from an old blogpost::

I stab your back, you stab my back is the new tacit moral understanding/ agreement between most people.
If you can't play the game this way, you had better not play at all! coz the rules are all defined by that guiding principle.
The rules in the new game are:
>> you win as an individual player, if you manage to stab the back of the other better than that one manges to stab yours (coz u are both aiming towards the same thing)
>> your team wins if you collectively manage to do that vis-a-vis other teams

But you have gotto play by the same underlying principle by all means.
And this, is quite amusing!

NOTE: I must post this here... before the context is lost.

Certain things REQUIRE integrity, have basis in Integrity and will not exist without it.
Rationality, Justice, fairness -- all function on integrity.
Hence, one can't cry foul one day and say their justice has been violated by the system, if they
have themselves condoned the same in the past.
Which brings us back to the all or none principle of certain theories/ concepts (such as Ayn Rand's objectivisim). You can't accept a part of it, and reject the other, tailoring it to suit your own convenience. You either Take the WHOLE of it, or REJECT the WHOLE of it. There is no way in between.

In fact, integrity is a beautiful concept u know ... I discovered it myself, one day, when I found it seriously lacking in some persons I had grown to like ..
I realized the importance of Integrity in someone's being. How the riches of the world, the brains of Einstein, the beauty of the Greeks won't sustain one's character -- if the simple quality of integrity is missing.

and consequently, I discovered this about my own self:

Very little tolerance, for very little integrity.

uh-ohh ..al post this now ... I have no clue what all I have been typing and why at all ...
sorry abt the lack of coherence in this post! ..
But I MUST post this ... and break the cant-blog-anymore curse :( !!

chalo then,

Cheerios :)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

For you, a thousand times over ...


I had been thinking of writing this for quite some time now, but never got the time to do it in the past one week ...

Today being a lousy Saturday (a good time of which was spent/ wasted in college) … here I sit, typing away…

This post is dedicated to the essence of the message contained in the book,

The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini which rings in the ears of anyone who puts it down after having read it till the last page. Or sweetly haunts them .. yeah, that’s more like it ..

‘For you, a thousand times over …’

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE BOOK. SO READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK!

The story is set in 1970-ish Afghanistan, and revolves around two main characters, Amir and Hassan, and is narrated in first person by Amir- a young lad (the story begins with his pre-adolescent years)

Amir and Hassan grow up together, play games together, read together, eat together, laugh together, run together … and Oh, their lives are literally built around each other. Only, Amir grows up in a Big house, while Hassan grows up in a small one, in the former’s backyard; Amir is the mastermind of all their “pranks”, Hassan- the humble executor; Amir reads out stories to the unlettered Hassan, who laps up every word he says as gospel truth, ignorant of the fact that the “educated” Amir Agha (an Afghani term of respectful address for elder brother) pokes fun at his ignorance of fancy words, and manipulates the stories while reading those out to him…

Again, Amir eats the food neatly laid out on a huge table for him everyday by his lesser friend; Amir laughs with Hassan, and also AT him, while Hassan is always looking for reasons to bring smiles on his Amir Agha’s face, and … the deciding difference between the two …

While Hassan runs … for his life… for his Friend, and for his Friend’s Kite of Victory , Amir runs away from his duty- as a friend, as a master, as an Agha to his little Hazara. Most importantly, Amir runs away from his conscience, he is a defeatist- an escapist. He tells the story.

Hassan is the Kite Runner – the loyal, brave and Tall man. Amir tells the story of Hassan. The story of the Kite Runner.

He tells us the story, as the Bigger master-boy, dwarfed in skill, mind and character by his smaller servant-friend.

Amir lives with his father- a self-made man, of great riches and social influence. Hassan and his father are the hazara servants to their Pashtun family. To explain by means of an analogy, Hazaras are the Afghani equivalent of the Black slaves (though not bonded, unpaid labour) to the white rich men (Pashtuns). History tells us that Hazara’s are the Shia minority, driven to poverty and misery by the sunni Pashtuns.

The following excerpt aptly captures the relationship between Amir and his father (He being a rich, khandaani pashtun boy, with no drop of father-like valour, but an immense (though less recognized) gift for writing, in his blood):

‘With me as the glaring exception, my father molded the world around him to his liking. The problem, of course, was that Baba saw the world in black and white. And he got to decide what was black and what was white. You can’t love a person who lives that way without fearing him too. Maybe even hating him a little’

A few lines of the Father, give us an insight into his character:

‘No matter what the mullah teaches, there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. “When you kill a man, you steal a life,” Baba said. “You steal his wife’s right to a husband; rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness.’

(Although, years later Amir discovers, that the same man- whom he grows to love and respect immensely, himself failed to live by his own words. He deprived Amir and Hassan of the right to the true knowledge of their relationship- that they were half brothers- Hassan having been illicitly born to the family servant’s promiscuous wife)

Kite Flying is a great festival in their country. And retrieving the last defeated kite of the season is a matter of great pride and achievement – the Kite Runners are adept at this skill. And Hassan is the best Kite Runner in town, who always runs to fetch the kite of victory for his master. His last kite-run is when Amir, for the first time, ends up winning the Kite Flying tournament of the year.

The following excerpts sum up the entire story, as it unfolds later: the story of loyalty of the poor hazara to his master, in return for a cowardly betrayal by the latter, who finds himself sacrificing his friend at the altar of a pseudo-victory… who watches in painful, yet shameful silence and inaction, as a group of rich little pashtun brats rape the hazara boy, as a punishment for standing up to them, protecting his master’s victory kite..

After all… he consoles himself … he is just a hazara isn’t he


‘ “Would I ever lie to you, Amir agha?” (Hassan asked Amir, upon being suspected of misleading them away from the victory kite)

Suddenly I decided to toy with him a little. “I don’t know. Would you?”

“I’d sooner eat dirt,” he said with a look of indignation.

“Really? You’d do that?”

He threw me a puzzled look. “Do what?”

“Eat dirt if I told you to,” I said. I knew I was being cruel, like when I’d taunt him if he didn’t know some big word. But there was something fascinating--albeit in a sick way--about teasing Hassan.

Kind of like when we used to play insect torture. Except now, he was the ant and I was holding the magnifying glass.

His eyes searched my face for a long time. We sat there, two boys under a sour cherry tree,

suddenly looking, really looking, at each other. That’s when it happened again: Hassan’s face changed. Maybe not changed, not really, but suddenly I had the feeling I was looking at two faces, the one I knew, the one that was my first memory, and another, a second face, this one lurking just beneath the surface. I’d seen it happen before--it always shook me up a little. It just appeared, this other face, for a fraction of a moment, long enough to leave me with the unsettling feeling that maybe I’d seen it someplace before. Then Hassan blinked and it was just him again. Just Hassan.

“If you asked, I would,” he finally said, looking right at me. I dropped my eyes. To this day, I find it hard to gaze directly at people like Hassan, people who mean every word they say.

“But I wonder,” he added. “Would you ever ask me to do such a thing, Amir agha?” And, just like that, he had thrown at me his own little test. If I was going to toy with him and challenge his loyalty, then he’d toy with me, test my integrity.

I wished I hadn’t started this conversation. I forced a smile. “Don’t be stupid, Hassan. You know I wouldn’t.”

Hassan returned the smile. Except, his, didn’t look forced. “I know,” he said.

And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say.

They think everyone else does too.’

…….. …..

“You won, Amir agha! You won!”

“We won! We won!” was all I could say.

Then I saw Baba on our roof. He was standing on the edge, pumping both of his fists. Hollering and clapping. And that right there was the single greatest moment of my twelve years of life, seeing Baba on that roof, proud of me at last.

But he was doing something now, motioning with his hands in an urgent way. Then I understood.

“Hassan, we--”

“I know,” he said, breaking our embrace. “Inshallah, we’ll celebrate later. Right now, I’m going to run that blue kite for you,” he said. He dropped the spool and took off running, the hem of his green chapan dragging in the snow behind him.

“Hassan!” I called. “Come back with it!”

He was already turning the street corner, his rubber boots kicking up snow. He stopped, turned. He cupped his hands around his mouth. “For you, a thousand times over!” he said.

…………………

And years later, Amir – a grown up, happily married, but childless man settled in US, gets to atone for his juvenile sins, by rescuing his orphaned, little nephew Sohrab (Hassan’s son) from the war and poverty stricken Afghanistan, and adopting him into his family.

After years of internal struggle, painful guilt and torture, he gets a chance to “be a good man again”.

He gets to do for the son, what he owes to the father…

Even though the little boy, torn by grief and exploitation, is reticent and withdrawn, from the new family… (I think that Amir takes it all, as penance that he has rightly earned)

The book ends on an optimistic note, flashing a ray of hope .. in the life of the child Sohrab, as well as in the life of the was-a-child-is-now-a-man, Amir, with the following lines:

(An eager-to-cheer Amir and a reluctant/hesitant Sohrab are flying a kite in the kite-festival in US. Their kite finally wins. )

Behind us, people cheered. Whistles and applause broke out. I was panting. The last time I had felt a rush like this was that day in the winter of 1975, just after I had cut the last kite, when I spotted Baba on our rooftop, clapping, beaming.

I looked down at Sohrab. One corner of his mouth had curled up just so.

A smile.

Lopsided.

Hardly there.

But there.

Behind us, kids were scampering, and a melee of screaming kite runners was chasing the loose kite drifting high above the trees. I blinked and the smile was gone. But it had been there. I had seen it.

“Do you want me to run that kite for you?”

His Adam’s apple rose and fell as he swallowed. The wind lifted his hair. I thought I saw him nod.

“For you, a thousand times over,” I heard myself say.

Then I turned and ran.

‘For you, a thousand times over …’

This apparently, is a very common phrase in Afghanistan.. and it basically means ..

For someone like you, whom I so love and dedicate myself to, I would do anything you would wish me to … no matter how unpleasant or difficult the task, if it makes you happy, I would do it .. not once.. but a thousand times over …… as many times as you please …

So basically, anytime someone you love, and dedicate yourself to, asks something of you.. you tell them .. (not necessarily explicitly!)

For YOU .. a thousand times over .. :)

[According to one of the readers of the book who posted his views on a The Kite Runner forum on Orkut, the phrase may have its origins in the term 'Hazara' because the word hazara actually means 'from thousand', referring to the thousands of Mongols who invaded Afghanistan and whose descendants the Hazaras are supposed to be.]

In fact, I think this sentence/ sentiment is the key to realizing the extent of your love and devotion to anybody in your life …

If you find yourself wondering as to whether your RoI in anybody is really justified,

Or .. to take stock of just about how important some people are, in your life …

Just ask yourself what Amir had asked Hassan..

Would you eat dirt for this person’s sake?

Okay.. this is not literally.. but something like .. would you take all $h!t in life, for someone .. and this doesn’t mean blindly taking $h!t FROM someone, but for them.. for their sake ..

Okay, let me rephrase it…more literally.. if your dear one were ordained to be fed a bottle of grime- and you had a choice of consuming it yourself instead, would you do it?

You will be surprised to learn your own response, at the strength of your love and dedication, that you wouldn’t ordinarily even contemplate! … think of your parents and siblings or anyone whom you love …

And if you find yourself saying to them inwardly “for you, a thousand times over”

In case you did not know already, these people are absolutely integral to your very being!

Now, this should certainly not be interpreted the other way around …

That, you MUST feel like giving an affirmative response for such a question..

Or that, tomorrow, if I had to jump into the puddle for say my sister … I should do so with the “For you a thousand times over” principle in mind … No!

But, ask yourself… If I had to, would I??

If not, then well… that’s an open field …

But if Yes.. if u can say yes, without blinking an eye—then well, congratulations!

You have a beautiful relationship to cherish, to live for … and to die for ..

I dunno if this will appear to be an exaggeration, but I think this really is a mantra- a touchstone for love and loyalty in all relationships.

I was going through this debate online… over who was the real hero of the story – Amir – the boy who lived to earn redemption- by the atonement of his adolescent sins years later, or Hassan – the boy who sacrificed his life and honour for his Friend …

Amir admits to himself throughout the story, that he was a coward- not a braveheart like his father (or like Hassan) – and this is the excuse he gives himself, as he chooses to be a mute spectator, as the bullies launch a sexual assault on his 12-year old friend- who refuses to trade his Amir Agha’s victory kite for freedom!

I really hated Amir- not coz he was not brave enough to put up a fight .. but coz he was not even loyal enough to forego his victory kite (which for him, meant his father’s love and pride in him, at last!) – to beg before the bullies to let go of Hassan, to bear the ignominy of defeat and, win himself his friend’s life and honour ..

That, in my opinion, would have marked him as a real hero, ideally; The one who would beg for mercy, for his friend’s honour, if not FIGHT for it.

Worse, he goes on to punish Hassan – to fight his own guilt, he drives the poor boy out of his life and even his home!

However, he was, after all, just a 12- year old boy, faced with a decision not many of us have to make in those tender years … and he does eventually struggle to earn redemption- to make amends .. to give to Hassan’s Son, Sohrab what Hassan was unfairly deprived of, all his life.

Hassan was the real Hero of Amir’s story- by his unwavering loyalty and bravery,that stirs you to the soul... Hassan was The Kite Runner

By the last page of the book, Amir too grows in size- in spirit and character- by leaps and bounds! .. and you don’t even realize that he has grown into another Kite Runner, just like his Hero half-brother ..

‘Hassan was already turning the street corner, his rubber boots kicking up snow. He stopped, turned. He cupped his hands around his mouth. “For you, a thousand times over!” he said.’

….

‘ “For you, a thousand times over,” I heard myself say to Sohrab.

Then I turned and ran.’

Saturday, May 10, 2008

*Sigh*






*sigh*

I wish to write nothing today. I want to put up these long forgotten poems, though .. don't ask me why...


(I THINK we did this one posted below with that half-FRENCH teacher, who was hardly 22-23 and had a nasal voice ... her english classes were drab .. I rem doing "The Highway Man" with her .. and still can't help grinning at the memory of her nasal "Tlot tlot".. as she read out the poem in class ...hey, u rem arps, all her classes began and ended with .. *nasal voice* "Vaishaali .. please open ur workbook..".. n all she discussed was the answers to the questions...as vaishali answered impromptu ..pretending to be reading off her previous day's homework :P (Vaishali, by chance or choice, would always sit right under her nose!) )

I just realised that we wasted huge literary works .. with her .... anyhow .. here is this one...

The Solitary Reaper


Behold her, single in the field,
Yon solitary Highland Lass!
Reaping and singing by herself;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and binds the grain,
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the Vale profound
Is overflowing with the sound.

No Nightingale did ever chaunt
More welcome notes to weary bands
Of travellers in some shady haunt,
Among Arabian sands:
A voice so thrilling ne'er was heard
In spring-time from the Cuckoo-bird,
Breaking the silence of the seas
Among the farthest Hebrides.

Will no one tell me what she sings?--
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow
For old, unhappy, far-off things,
And battles long ago:
Or is it some more humble lay,
Familiar matter of to-day?
Some natural sorrow, loss, or pain,
That has been, and may be again?

Whate'er the theme, the Maiden sang
As if her song could have no ending;
I saw her singing at her work,
And o'er the sickle bending;--
I listened, motionless and still;
And, as I mounted up the hill
The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more.

-- William Wordsworth


And this one !!... With our very own and beloved Usha Ma'am :) .. I still vividly recall her recital of this one (the stern- dramatic look in her eye ..when she read out the khadoos neighbour's dialogue "Good fences make good neighbours")

MENDING WALL


by Robert Frost

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun,
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there.
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
'Stay where you are until our backs are turned!'
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, 'Good fences make good neighbors'.
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
'Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows?
But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.' I could say 'Elves' to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me~
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."


************************

and ohh.. this one below !! ... again, her voice and expression are clearly etched in my memory :) .. as she would read out the bit when the villagers taunted Gulzaman- and challenged his manhood, for he was childless..

'GuIzaman, where is the son?

(this one is my favourite - coz rem she had a peculiar way of pronouncing "n" :D .. that was so very adorable! )
this is the story of an old shepherd who does not have a son. His kinsmen (fellow shepherds) pass cruel remarks at his manhood, challenging his virility! And he silently bears it all ... never expressing the pain and torment that he goes through..
One day, when it rained/snowed heavily, all the sheep and expectant mothers (ewes) owned by his kinsmen, weakened by the cold and poorly fed on wet grassand gave birth to dead (or 'still-born') children... and they could be seen lamenting the loss of their sheep...
However, since Gulzaman had taken good care of his sheepfold - had kept it warm and snug with hay etc .. his own sheep are warm and secure. The expectant mother sheep (ewe) in his fold .. delivers a healthy baby, which is alive!! (that it will survive is indicated by the fact that it pees after a while!) .... Gulzaman, who has taken care of all his sheep like his own family (children), is proud of this moment ... it is nothing short of an achievement for him ... for him, it is like delivering his own baby boy ..
and at this proud moment, overcome with emotions, he holds that new born high up in the air, and declares victoriously to himself as much as to the others , "This is my son" :)



Gulzaman's Son


Climbing his tortuous way from Kanzalwan,
GuIzaman leaves the river, buckwheat harvests
and slopes dark with conifers. His breath comes
in a half-choked whistle, the air uncertain
whether to burst through the lungs or whoosh
out of the mouth.

He doesn't remain with his people now,
among the sheepfolds and high-pasture huts.
They rag him, 'GuIzaman, where is the son?
Can we help?' 'Here comes the randiest ram
in the valley!' They're not funny, these jibes
at his virility. So each sundown he leaves
for the river to sleep in a stone-breaker's
pine-hut, till at dawn the sheep call him.

GuIzaman strains up the last hundred feet
to reach the fold. Expectant ewes
seek shelter from the wind under the lee
of limestone walls. He sees his kinsmen,
bearded and gaunt and broad-boned as himself,
brooding over a dead kid. Rain starts hissing.
There has been such heavy sleet the week past
that in the sheepfolds new-borns have been dying.
With the mothers wind-weakened and fed
on wet grass, the lambs are still-born, flopping
inert on the earth. Ewes don't even lick
them and probe for hidden embers of life
with their raking tongues. Broken, they turn
on their sides like sacks of crushed ice.

The turf is sodden but his own fold
is a small den made snug by bales of hay.
His ewe snuggles up to him and bleats
recognition, a thin tremolo of love
blanketed by gutturals of pain.
Relations crowd, darkening the doorway,
as with heavily-greased arms GuIzaman
examines her. Yes, the lamb is on its way!
An hour later it is there, quavery-legged
and wet and uncertain about
its rickety, four-pronged hold on the earth.
Shortly it pees. Allah be praised, now it will live.
It cannot die of a chill in the stomach.
Either the doorway has been cleared, or clouds
have been parted for an instant by the sun.
GuIzaman picks the dun-coloured lamb and holds
it to his chest. 'This', he says, 'this is my son.'
- Keki N. Daruwalla

(Pls note that I had first posted this poem without caring to mention the author! Thanks to Ashish, who promptly asked me this doubt ... I realised that I never knew the name of the poet! googled it up, n discovered that it was written by one Mr. Daruwalla... Thanks :D )
BTW: Gulzaman's Son was my first experience of Blank Verse or Free Verse (a verse which does not have any rhyme) .. We later did The Mending Wall and others in the same league of course ...

.. Now, that reminds me of an Archie Strip that I read in the paper today ...

Moose ( frowning at a poet's recital of his composition) :: That was a Poem? It didn't even rhyme!
Archie (rolling eyes at his ignorance): Moose, that was "Free Verse"!
Moose: Good, who'd pay for a poem that doesn't even rhyme!
:D :D :D :P :P

*sigh again*

Ciao ...

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The Healing Power of Love .. *To You, Prof. Dumbledore :) *


*sniff sniff* *dry cough*

*sigh-cum-deep drawn sniff*

*gulp—eyes blink in pain, as my throat squirms in revolt*

*lifting each finger with effort, and mouthing a groan-y ‘hhmmm’ to di’s warning that I take care to not let her laptop slip down and shatter* (You see, I’m again holding it high in the air on my lap – it is perpendicularly suspended in mid air, supported precariously on a pair of sick and tired lower limbs, weak with fever – Cant sit up straight, m lying down supine ! – I employ this position often, but today it’s not a choice but a compulsion ..)

You know … *painful sniff again*

I am sick. And worse.. I’m down …not with the sweltering heat of Delhi … but with a Cold!

And I’m trying to figure out where I must have caught it.

Karishma blamed it on our frequent shifts between the AC-ed and Non- AC-ed environments .. no wonder so many people can be seen patting their throats and screwing their noses. This is in the air :( ..

I have strong reasons to believe that I picked it from a happy-go-lucky-go-publicly-coughy-merrily-throwing-cold-viruses-in-the-air co-intern, who insisted upon attending the office -with an EarNoseThroat fully choked with phlegm – every single day! … even though ordinarily he wouldn’t bat an eyelid when bunking office with such ah … CEO-like-elan coz ..and I quote“ this would show them how committed I am… “ :P

Yeah!

As if This place had not given me enough woes already – a (hitherto ) godforsaken project, a cup of Bad-tasting tea everyday .. for which (I recently discovered) they charge us right out of our stipend :P … A sorry sacrifice of whatever little dignity I had walked in with, at the altar of Some people’s Witticisms :( ..

And Now ! ..

The final straw that’s threatening to break the Camel’s back … a disgusting cold- rendering me physically incapable of free mobility, easy breathing, anything!! :(

In this state of half-trance (fever people! .. I have fever!! .. :( ) am almost filled with thoughts of vindictive pleasure *evil grin*

Let me be sick all the way up till Monday, and let me carry the germs back to their native place- My Office… Andddddddd let me gift these to all those whom I wanna get back at :D :D .. by means of unabashed open-mouth coughing and sneezing (yeahh .. could I be more of a blot on the name of my esteemed institute!)

But hang on *stressing her peanut-brain with all her might* … there IS nobody who has wronged me.. there :( … on the contrary … :)

*looks at the bottom left corner of the ms word screen, only to realize that she has been blabbering about stuff unrelated to the original intent of the post*

Okayy ,,, now m too tired … but wanted to say a LOT!! ..

Now, somehow, just cant!

Okay …. A few years ago, on this planet called Earth, another creature was born ..

They named her something nice. But she is my Fairy God –Mother, guised as a mortal elder sister.

I somehow don’t feel like profiling her on a public forum … somehow, I think any lay person laying eyes on her profile sketch would not do justice to the meaning that the words hold for me … and I don’t want to desecrate the divine phenomenon that I have here.. with me.. for me .. always …

Okayy .. I’m not even talking about the pristine soul that this one is …

But today, as I was purchasing something at a sabziwala’s cart on my way home (struggling to stand on my two feet … I am SUFFERING from fever remember*shoots a warning look if the reader had dared forget maintaining the understanding-sympathy look while reading this post*!!)

Well, suddenly .. I saw this really tiny girl … clad in modest clothing (the kind that wears off by extensive use, and is then passed on by the Indian Patron families to their domestic help et al) … this girl came out of nowhere, and broke down into really loud sobs, tears rolling down her already stained (with malnourishment and impoverishment ) face … I wondered what was wrong .. looking around curiously for maybe the Dad (at first, my hunch was that she was the sabziwale uncle’s daughter ) … well, he kept on loading and unloading sabzi nonchalantly, indifferently, as though the girl, her heart wrenching sobs, and bucketsload of tears did not even exist!

The little girl cried. Louder. Tears streaming down her face in spates! … And .. dunno what struck me inside.. I wanted to walk up to her, just hug her and ask her why she was crying… I tell you, it was so moving that had it been a more worth-her-space-on-this-earth creature in my place, they would have bought her a bar of Temptations to just stop her from crying.

She pressed herself against the door of a car … crying ..to no avail .. a few seconds later … she started mouthing (at the universe, I presume coz none of the bystanders had even noticed her presence, let alone be an audience to her sobs!) .. she mouthed “mummy..mummy” … helplessly ..

In a tone .. that yearns for clinging …

Clinging on to somebody or something , for help…. For support … for ..well … for just Being., for holding on.

I considered asking the sabziwale uncle as to who this kid belonged to .. and just then, my gaze fell upon another girl (bit taller than the little girl, lets call her ‘Chotu’ :) ) … looking at her from a distance ..

She stopped, she looked hesitantly, and then she looked away. Mouthing something to … I can only guess.. to the rest of her playmates .. signaling to resume their play anyway .. this disturbance notwithstanding.

Here is what I think must have transpired:

Chotu and her playmates must have quarreled (maybe they had an argument over whether she was “out” and was to play the “Denner” {err..pardon me, I was never sure how that word is spelt!} .. or maybe they were not including her in the game for some weird reason .. maybe coz she was the youngest of them all (didn’t they have a term for it .. kachchi goli I think :) ) … I dunno!! Cud be anything!!) … But here she was …feeling wronged, hurt, ignored and bruised … crying out for someone who would tell her comforting things that any kid her age would want to hear …

Ignore them. Didis are being mean. We wont talk to them. Come let us play something else.

Koi baat nahi, chalo abba kar lo. Vaapas game khelo.. Main dekhti hoon kaise Den dene ko kehte hain yeh log aapse.

Oh For chrissake!! Anything …

Or maybe she just needed a pair of warm secure arms to be taken into- away from the bad, mad world of her playmates. And wipe her tears on somebody’s safe shoulders. Bury her face into an adult’s tummy, hold on tight, and just sob her heart away.

And yet, there she stood. All alone. Forgotten. Crying her throat hoarse.

Eventually, she seemed to have run out of tears .. (shamelessly worthless as I am .. all this while, I just looked – from the tall girl, to Chotu to the sabziwale uncle .. wondering whether it would be ’okay’ if I just walked up to her and talked to her!)

I took my packet, and walked back home. And I had just rung the bell, and stepped inside my home that my sis’ sickly lovey-dovey welcome calls (like a cerelac baby had walked out of the can into her room :-x )reached my ears *indicative of a good day at work for her* … as usual, I cracked a ruthless joke about her routine annoying habit and her sanity levels , to M (our domestic help) .. and we both rolled up with sarcastic laughter.

I walked straight to my room until Nanima and di’s calls/queries became so intolerably unavoidable that I gathered all strength to register my attendance in their room. Well, there was an ulterior motive of course! I had to tell them how sick I felt. How I couldn’t walk a step without pain. How I was messed up from head to toe, and all this, after a hard day at WORK! (err… didn’t bother to mention that all I did today in college .. was engage in another chat-session/nonsense- repartee exchange with Mamata Ma’am and Devanshu under the pretext of working for the Live Project—doing just a little bit of real ‘work’ in between breaks!)

My face (automatically, I swear!!) rearranged itself into a look of utter pain and agony.

And I got what I had wanted. Impromptu .. Oooooohhs and aaaaaahhs … looks of pity, empathy, checking of pulse .. patting of the head … (“Shruti! .. ur running a temperature, beta !”) ..as I put up a mock-brave front. (I had even begun on a mature note- whispering to my sis abt the fever, so that nanima would not get worried!.. but Well.. Lady Pink Panther that she is .. how could it have missed her antenna-like ears.. and well I wasn’t really complaining in my heart of hearts – the more sympathy, the merrier I am! *disgusting I know! .. but then—u shud have known me better—this is the Real Me!!*)

Poor M flung into action ... with her milk and tea and whatnots ..

I sighed, simpered … and returned to my room .. and then yelled out to my sister something abt the “internet not working” .. satisfied myself with a .. “ohhh ..too bad” from her end .. and then, just lay there .. And waited for my sis to walk in …

Well… she has her magic wand .. and I make full use of it. All I have to do is cling on to her. Well, just her being around .. the safe knowledge that she knows how screwed up I am .. works magic.

I just have to pour it all out – not even in words.. she just understands .. lets me be sad, melancholic.

She has “it will all be alright, Shruti” written all over her face. *** see note at the end

Poor my folks.. have never gotten a positive/encouraging reply to any of their queries about “how was my day” .. abt watsup with my life in general. It is always cribbing. It is always the worst that I could list.

And if it weren’t for this ventilation..

But for these sounding boards -- I would have ceased to exist– ages ago.

Ditto all the others in my family, whom I turn to .. for just about everything.

Surely, the greatest gift God can give someone is a set of loved ones. Everything else comes and goes.

What would have I done I can’t imagine (and sheeeeeesh I don’t WANT to! ) if these people weren’t around! ..

One shudders to think of those unfortunate souls who lose all their loved ones in life … or those who never have any. Those who must “seek” love, security , trust, and mutual bonding.. get bruised, bleed, and bandage the wound themselves and move on … all by themselves.

Oh … I’m sure the little girl I saw had some family. But I am not sure whether she had the comfort of those arms, the snug hug.. the reassuring smile that says “ it will all be alright” … how many times do you see really poor kids wailing unclaimed around a pile of garbage, sometimes a 2 foot girl, holding a .5 foot bundle of a baby brother by her side .. and walking … barefooted .. to nowhere ..

The mothers may be anywhere .. maybe begging, or lying by the footpath, in a heap of desolate despair, weakened by hunger, exploitation and have-not-ism.- The Universal fact of Motherly instincts beaten down badly by animal instincts for energy and material/spiritual hope.

We just don’t realize just about HOW lucky we are .. and keep taking our loved ones for granted … Well, I think that’s fairly alright … that is what god made them for ! .. (as long as, u take care of the ROI factor--- it is all good :) ) …

I just wish she had a Fairy Godmother too .. our Chotu! I wish tonight someone put her down to sleep, with a kiss on the forehead, or in a tight embrace .. even if they were sleeping on a mat on a floor of concrete..

I just hope, Chotu .. like many lucky ones like us .. too has some loved one(s) … that she too has hope to fight all despair.

Professor Dumbledore had always been right about the Healing Power of Love.. how it can fight all Evil on earth. It can. Oh, it sooo can. If only, we would come to realize its potential power to spread happiness, peace and calm. Cheers, Dumbledore. Cheers, Jo.

Cheers …

*** Okay .. get real .. there is also this very mean, insensitive side to her! – like the n number of times she stealthily ate my share of Maggie, and unapologetically fought with me when I protested, when she locked me in the bathroom when I was a hapless little kid (err.. not really hapless tho – I had a good mind to bang the door down with loud wails, until I heard my mum’s voice and employed plan Two instead—of sitting sadly in the corner, to strike notes of sympathy, and win the game :D :D), the legendary war in which she tore off my favourite shirt, over “who-gets-the-remote-control” .., and gave me proper red scratches across my neck :O :O to my mum’s horror! .. Or when we punched each other in the face once (a real loose Tooth for a loose Tooth- and thankfully, since both lost milk teeth, we could keep the story under wraps, to be safe from parental wrath).. or when I was this one year old innocent (YEAH! I was THAT too, once upon a time :D) baby, and she would put me to sleep (by borrowing my milk bottle kinds from mum and feeding me forcefully) whenever some uncles and aunties came over and got chocolates for the “Two little daughters in the family. ..” and would feed on my share while I slept, and innocently awoke to absolutely NO recollection of the choc that I had earned a while ago! *gawwd… I’m kinda liking her less and less now .. as I recollect all this..*… Ohhh the list is endless!! :-x

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Thanks Meet ... :) :) .. u are an Angel ..

I dunno whether I deserve such good wishes ... but i keep getting some odd once in a while ....
this was a pleasant surprise ... on such a lousy day ... and I didnt even know she would be thinking abt me n my problems ...

Meet ... Thanks! ... I hope I pull it off ... ur wishes may act like a good omen :) :::
Just for You, Shruti! ... I just dont care abt my job right now (okay, 'right now' is the key word :D) .. im really moved ...
and I love you .. and need I tell u that Ditto for u from my end, all that u hv offered me :D

CHEERS and GOD BLESS indeed! :D :D


PS. ppl, dont get scared by my blog posts ... m fine! ... live n kicking (being thick skinned helps!)

Ours is not to ask why, ours is but to do or die :D :)

Shruti

Sunday, April 27, 2008

'Hows ur Internship coming along?" they all ask me ... here is how ...!

(this post is more like a mindless scribble... so pardon the lack of coherence, flow etc)
After 17 days of doing NOTHING, yesterday(Friday, 25th), I finally got to interview two people. I was ecstatic!
Even though I’m in very bad shape right now, considering that a LOT of time has been lost, at least, I got a start. I dunno why God had planned this for me though; he did not choose to throw me into a system (which I was apprehensive about disrupting anyway..) he chose to throw me into a system-less MESS, Where uncertainty, suspicion, confusion and hope are the order of the day. Well, it would have been interesting to observe and make notes of, if ONLY I had some kind of help … unfortunately, the department I am in has suffered the most, and I end up being an undesirable liability there.
As one senior 60-ish gentleman, (apparently miffed with the Kind Lady sparing two minutes to update me on the mess) thundered, “ arrre Madam, aap Summer Trainee ke saath kyun time waste kar rahi hain!... abhi hum ko koi trainee -vainee ka zaroorat nahii haaai … abhi pehle process ko streamline karne ka haai”
**note: Streamlining for Him begins and ends with: taking printouts- of anything and everything printable, printing a photocopy of the printout, making an entry in a register about the process, doing the needful with the information in the printout, then writing ‘done’ on the sheet, as well as on the register, then filing the sheet in the appropriate folder. Okay, no exaggeration this! .. this is like a remnant of the babu-culture that has probably worked in the past, but seriously .. this process applies to every little thing:: an email about updating xyz employee info in the SAP, and the first Action:: Printout le lo, madam! .. followed by the subsequent steps, till the very last.
As someone fondly (and irritably :P ) put “ Ohhh.. He lovvves paper. Give him paper- He will make more paper. Photocopy the paper. Photocopy the photocopy. And still complain that there is no paper!”
:D Well, even with all my frustration spiraling, it’s funny! And cute, I must say :)
Mind you, even I might have ended up as a printout, a photocopy and an entry in the register with “done” checked across my forehead, neatly filed in the cabinet… IF ONLY I had not been deemed so undesirable an object in the entire process of streamlining, and thus unworthy of being Filed at all, in his view :D
For the past few days, I was making merry at his workstation, since he was out on a tour .. now of course, he will be back, I won’t even get that square inch of space in the office .. hey, not that I mind! This position worked to my disadvantage in the past few days. While I sat there, undesirable, unoccupied, eyes hungry for attention, work (sometimes they ignore me, and change the topic hastily when I try to push in my “plans” for the project! :( coz the execution does not seem to be easy!) .. well, while I sat there, in order to make the most of my time, initially I would search as much as I cud, on all the stuff that could possible help me in my project (I googled up more than was desirable/worthwhile) .. and when I grew tired of that (in the vain hope that they will pay heed, in a while, any moment now .. in some more time ..) I excitedly started documenting my project plan .. I mean I merrily charted my own four-step plan of how I will go about doing it, and forwarded it to the appropriate quarters. It’s been days and days, and I know it lies unread!
Despite my frequent allusions to the plan in conversation, reminders of the mail… somehow, things never take off! I mean I never get a NO- but I never get anything! It is so very weird, that I don’t know what to do :( I just DON’T.
It all lies unread. And it hurts. More so, coz I really don’t see who is to be blamed. If I am not having an easy time, others around me aren’t exactly walking on a bed of roses, either.
*sigh* the state of affairs is such, that I can’t entirely blame them- the office people.
I really should not be working. Not with people, at least. And certainly not in jobs like these.
Maybe I should reconsider my plans of becoming a stand-up comedienne (*sigh* this was ages ago… and Arps was the one who had suggested this to me ..) , or maybe .. I dunno .. what kind of job will not require working with people/getting work out of them? ..
Errrm..
A stand up comedienne.
A newspaper hawker.
I dunno..some more, on similar lines! *sigh of resignation*
If the creator created me, surely he had a plan in mind? But why is he hiding it up his sleeve?
Such lowly sadistic pleasure, God.. must say … I’m not too happy with your way of working *pouts*
Gawwwd !! … anyway ..
So, while I sat before the desktop, trying to appear as occupied as one totally unoccupied person could possibly look, documenting plans that no one ever had the intention of reading … and then.. once I saw that no one really cared … checking mails, reading blogs .. and it was a mark of how frustrated I was .. for the first time ever, I had the option of gtalking, but I never logged in:: cud have orkutted all I wanted .. but never once felt like it.. checked mails, only in the vain hope that somebody from the head office would check on me.. or maybe ..maybe.. some answers will show up!
I even started clicking on mails forwarded by my aunt (from the Sai Foundation) .. !!
With due love and respect to Baba, I had never really bothered with these earlier .. but now I would actually read his messages on love, peace, patience, brotherhood etc etc just to keep myself sane.
Even blogging had lost its charm. Certainly, these things can never give pleasure ..when these are adulterating your work hours. Somehow, reading Godly stuff seemed like less of cheating on work, than reading anything else!
Well, the bottomline is … I would be seen at the workstation, and was ignorant of how to, the 3 new summer interns at the place, it appeared that I was in full gear with my project. Apparently, many intro lectures were held by important people in the organization for these people, and I was not disturbed.. coz everybody assumed that I was full-on into the process!! :( :(
And it was only when after hours of heightened nothingness, boredom and frustration upon being religiously ignored reached its peak, that I walked into the conference room, to check on one of the interns, who seemed to be busy with reading some stuff, to pour my heart out before a fellow sufferer.
Poor thing had suffered the same fate as I had, for the first 10 days (in his region of posting, he was not even let beyond the gate- since the concerned person was not available *ditto my story!* at least I had reached the conference room next to the reception!! Although I did nothing but stare at the walls for hours every day) … But, things are good for him now-the project guide is excellent , and the project is rolling. Amen. I don’t want to cast an evil eye though!
Well anyway, it was only during this enlightening (and very cathartic :) ) interaction that I realized the myth surrounding me and my project, which had further kept me in the dark and put me at a disadvantage.
To cut a long story short (Aaaahh Arps… this one is also a Kodak moment, worthy of a mental picture :D)
After attending a major company function (the first activity at my end, since the day of joining! ) and making very public remarks, jokes etc in exasperation, about the dismal state of my project, I got my first two one-on-one interactions yesterday. And I am grateful :)
Better late than never :D
(will you beat this, one of the uncles even asked me for an ‘office party’ .. heaven knows on what grounds .. I replied that I would definitely throw a grand party the day my project would finally be completed- IF at all. To which he responded with “arrre … you throw us a party, and ur project will be done in no time” :O :O)

Okay, I had fallen asleep last morning (yes, around 7-ish in the morning!) typing this post, and am writing this again after 12 + hours . Had an exceelllllllllent day :D
Had a huge cribbing session {all stories retold as comedy-in-tragedy} with my favourite cribbing audience:: My Family (extended family that is :D)
And as usual, have come home more cheerful and hopeful in heart, and armed with more tips on what to do with my godforsaken life :P
One of my fav. Lowly Moments today::
IB Uncle (look of concern):: Cheer up, Shruti. Poor thing, look how tense she is, about her project!
HB(rolling eyes, with an evil glint):: That’s becoz she loves being tense. When it was not her Project, it was an assignment, or her MBA or her Exams .. ‘Tense’ is her keyword.
So what Tense are you Shruti?*at his lowest best* Past Tense, Present tense or Future tense?
Me (Matching the low standards of the discourse)*with a sigh*:: I guess in the near future, I will be Past Tense
(Collective Sigh suppressed under laughter :( )

Before signing off, I just want to register something: My internship etc apart, I have come to know a very clean soul in this place (My new Guide kinds...) She belongs to a rare breed- a rare combo of intelligence, simplicity, humility and a good heart, - especially in the corporate world. People tell her she won’t survive long this way- sans airs or diplomacy :P … even I wonder how she did survive so long :D … here’s wishing her all the very best in life :)

************Long, strange break of many many phone calls *gulp*

okay, al post this now ... got work to do as well!!
Best …
Shruti